Day Four

I would call this a look of determination, mixed with fear and a built in hustle. This year I want to become the best version of myself, not as a New Year's resolution but as a way of life. I can not and will not settle for indecisive behavior, nor will I settle for mediocrity. I want better. I want to be able to live a life of stability and functionality by any means necessary. None of these things will come to pass without sheer determination and God's grace. I know He will provide all of my needs and the guidance I need to get where I want to be. Too many times as women we make sure that everything and everyone around us is taken care at the expense of our own well being. This year is the year of self care and wellness, mental wellness, spiritual wellness, and being healthy in every aspect of the word. It's time to take a stand and not feel guilty every time we have to take some time and get ourselves together. My peace is cooking and constantly praying and talking to God. I will find myself talking to Him like he is standing before me face to face. I know I am always in His presence, but I find my peace in my quiet times with him. I no longer care about things that aren't detrimental to my well being. In my mother's words I don't go around and borrow any trouble that I don't need.The older I get the more I no longer want to be involved, and be everyone's problem solver the sake of my own personal life falling to pieces, and always facing a crumbling situation. I only have one life, and I want to have a thousand different experiences than have the same drastic experience a thousand times. I feel like until the end of last year when I made the decision to get my life right with God and build that bridge that would give me a closer relationship with him, I feel like I have just been surviving and not living. Going through life getting it how I live with no real destination or direction, and what sad way of life that I have passed on to my children. They are grown now and I will have to live with this guilt the rest of my life, but as long ad God gives me breaths and a purpose I will try my hardest to make it up to them, and teach them a new path and right way of living. The decision will be theirs to make but I can not and will not try. Are you settling, and focusing on everything around you and forsaking your inner peace? If so please take heed to someone that knows that it isn't worth it. I hate all the time it took for me to realize I am worth it I can fight for myself just like I fight for everyone else, and there's nothing wrong with that. The time I spent on everyone else I deserve that time to give it back to me as well. time is to not be wasted it is worse than wasting  money because you can never get the time back.....My time is now....will you join me and make it your time too? Come on we can have one big ole party....